They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
