Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize