Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So much rum. So many feels.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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