Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
