You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
