i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
