woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
