So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
