mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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