He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
