the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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