Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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