are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I deserve this hangover.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
