capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
