Plan B is the new Plan A
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
