just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
