So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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