batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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