She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
