I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
