I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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