She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
