i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
