question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
