People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pants are for mortals
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
