...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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