it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
