my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
