We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
