I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
