saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
