Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
