So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize