I want to stick my p in your. b.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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