You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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