Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
