ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm going to jail i love you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
