the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
