still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
