One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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