My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
