matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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