I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
