apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
