Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
