But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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