dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
