dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
