we have officially lost it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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