when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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