Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
