Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
