Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
