He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
