I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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