Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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