love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
