There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
