just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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