dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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