I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
