Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
