I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
