sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
