Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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