just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
