Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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