We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
