Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize