I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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