He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
