My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
