she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
