I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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