And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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