I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
