..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
