remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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