I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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