she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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