I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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