I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize