capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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