Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize