dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
