So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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