i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
