with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
