i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
